In today’s age, we see brands do stupid things all the time. Company A decides to go in a new and uncharted direction and hilarity can ensue! Or not.

Remember when KMart made the “Ship my pants” video? IT WAS HILARIOUS…but they caught a lot of flack for it. Why? Because KMart’s brand isn’t about edgy humor. They went outside their brand and got slapped for it. Even though, I thought the backlash was unwarranted.

And sometimes a company so misses the mark as to completely alienate and drive away a key demographic. Now, I don’t usually get angry over ad campaigns. I don’t usually get mad when folks poke fun at dads. Which is not to say I endorse the ‘bumbling idiot’ image that dads have been branded with in today’s pop culture landscape.

But this…pissed me off.

Oh Clorox...FAIL on all fronts.

Oh Clorox…FAIL on all fronts.

There is nothing about this that doesn’t offend every aspect of my being a dad and a man. From the horrible image of the dude with his baby in the carrier SIDEWAYS to the ending. Offensive on all fronts. And seriously…I want to talk to the 5 buttholes who thought this was a “Good Tip”.

Now, I’d love to think that Clorox was just being funny and glib. You know, like those “DO” and “DON’T” infographics about how to take care of a baby with over-the-top “Don’t”s and an equal jabbing at men and women. Those are funny. This isn’t. From being equated to a household pet who has the best intentions but because of our hilariously horrible motor skills we can’t do anything right. Seriously, from Clorox’s perspective, it’s any wonder we were even able to mate to begin with!

“I’m supposed to hump the back of your leg if we want babies…right?”

But this is offensive to women as well. Well, at least the women who have chosen to breed with a man. I mean, YOU chose to have kids with someone you had to have known was mentally retarded at best.

This is wrong…so so very wrong. But you know what the kicker is? Clorox doesn’t even acknowledge it happened. I’ve seen no, “Oops, we tried to be funny but failed.” Nope…they just got blasted in the comments and sometime around midnight last night they just deleted the post. But we all know that deletion isn’t an option these days! C’mon! I’ve got screenshots. And below: I’m posting all of the text from said post.

This is directly from the Clorox post:

6 mistakes new dads make

Saying ‘No-no’ is not just for baby. Like dogs or other house pets, new Dads are filled with good intentions but lacking the judgment and fine motor skills to execute well. Here are a few dangerous no-nos new Dads might make, and some training tips. (Yep…because I’m the equivalent of a dog who means well but shits everywhere anyway.)

1. Forgetting weather gear: About 10 minutes into a cold, brisk, rain-soaked stroller walk he might ask himself ‘why is this baby crying so much?’ Then, he might notice the short-sleeved summer onesie Li’l Peach is dressed in and it might dawn on him to bundle that baby. (Gee, I’m all bundled up because it’s cold and rainy…WHY IS MY NAKED BABY SUCH A WHINY JERK??)

2. Backwards clothes: Ok, so the clothes might be clean. But is it baby’s jumper fitting oddly? he might notice but he’ll probably think it’s just the style the kids are all wearing. Better educate him that for safety purposes, hip-hop fashions should wait a couple of years. (SHUT UP! I LIKE KRISS KROSS!)

3. Inappropriate screen time: Does an infant really need to watch reality shows? For that matter, does anyone? Prudence won’t stop Daddy from relaxing with a brew and blaring inappropriate shows while baby stares in horror/awe/wonder at the colorful moving yell-box. Tell Dad to embrace parental sacrifice and crack a book. (Hey, how is this kid going to learn to be a tv reality star if I don’t let them watch Honey Boo Boo and all those teen pregnancy shows? Besides, Jerry Springer was the mayor of Cincinnati! It’s a political show…almost like C-SPAN.)

4. Forgetting to wipe (face): Baby can’t be blamed for eating like a spastic Harlem Shake dancer. But Dad can be blamed for not noticing the caked-on layer of dried yellowish crust (applesauce? sweet potato? Play-Doh?) surrounding Baby’s mouth and spattered baby food onto her bib. (No, honey…it’s chocolate pudding. Wait, what do you mean we don’t have any chocolate pudding? Yes we do…it’s right here in this box of dirt the cat is sitting in.)

5. Letting baby eat off floor: If a toy or bit of dried food falls onto the floor, it should really be washed off before baby puts it in his mouth. If Dad is the type to eat food off the floor himself, you have your work cut out for you. At least get him to enforce a 5-second rule. (Hey, if God had wanted me to do dishes, he wouldn’t have invented the world’s largest plate. The Floor.)

6. Casino: Some new dads have been inspired by raunchy comedies to bring babies to inappropriate places like casinos, pool halls, and poetry readings. None of these places are healthy for baby. If Dad needs persuading, just tell him that babies are terrible tippers and can never make bank shots. (Are you kidding me? The chicks at the local strip club LOVE my son! We get two for one dances when I bring him in. Also, now that he’s able to hold onto things better, he can hold my beer up without spilling it now.)

Hopefully, your new Dad will learn to exercise good judgment in time for baby 2. (Because, if your husband is THIS stupid, you’re gonna want to have another kid with him ASAP!)

I don’t say this often…but Clorox, you have lost a customer. FOR LIFE. You can take your image of men, and dads and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. And when you pull them out, you can use your product to clean up the mess. Because I sure as hell won’t. I’m too busy trying to teach my infant son how to handle a blow torch properly. Because that’s what new dads do, right?



Never again.


3 Responses

  1. Alan

    I don’t know how I missed the sideways baby in the carrier.

    Now I’m irritated all over again.


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