I AM #SuperMilkMan
I get the comparison ALL the time. “Hey! It’s The Rock!” Then I have to tell them, no, It’s just me. But I did come up with…
10 Ways The Rock and I are EXACTLY alike:
While he flexed his muscles in the world of professional wrestling, I was relegated to a much more dangerous and seedier underground wrestling league. It was the realm of “My Older Brother is Six Years Older Than Me and Used to Pound Me Mercilessly” Federation. Granted, we didn’t have the fancy acronyms going for us…but what we lacked in marketing and promotion we made up for in down, dirty, no-rules, no holds barred, living room smackdown. And every time…was PRIME TIME. I am currently wrestling in the much more popular “Living Room Floor Federation” I play the bad guy who gets his nuts kicked by his toddlers a lot. Best. Wrestling. Gig. Ever.
You MAY have heard of Dwayne ‘the rock’ Johnson as an actor. He has been able to parlay his wrestling fame into a small career in film. He’s been known to play bit parts in such movies as Beyond the Mat, Longshot, The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, The Rundown, Walking Tall, Be Cool, Doom, Gridiron Gang, Reno 911!: Miami, Southland Tales, The Game Plan, Get Smart, Race to Witch Mountain, Planet 51, Tooth Fairy, Why Did I Get Married Too?, The Other Guys, You Again, Faster, Fast Five, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, Snitch, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Pain & Gain, Fast & Furious 6, Empire State…(I’d go on, but his other works are just too obscure for this piece.) To date, I have been in three tv commercials AND I have a weekly gig acting in front of a HUGE audience. (10-20 elementary age kids is huge, right? I hope he’s not jealous of my acting career.) Also, since becoming a dad, I like to act like I know exactly what I’m doing at all times. This will come in handy later…I hope.
Dwayne Johnson was on the 1991 University of Miami team that won the National Championship. He then went on to play in the Canadian Football League. I won’t begrudge him his success on the field. I too know the pain of no longer being on the field. I was a SOLID 2nd string tight end on my 7th and 8th grade football teams. Then I was sidelined by a horrible injury, called my coach was a jerk and didn’t like me. I ended up getting traded to another high school when I moved. My career started out promising but I was cut down in my prime by “Worried Mom Syndrome” which was exacerbated by an acute case of “WE DON’T HAVE INSURANCE! YOU’LL GET HURT!”-itis.
You MIGHT have seen this guy without his shirt on. If you’ve been one of the rare people to witness it, you, no doubt, noticed he has a couple of tiny tattoos. I’m sporting some major ink myself. I am not one to brag, but I am familiar with the sting of the tattoo gun as you’re getting a massive tattoo done. I have a huge lizard on my leg. It’s at LEAST 4 inches long. What can I say? I’m just awesome that way.
Granted his is more dictated by his deciding to be bald…and mine is genetics. But whatever, we’re like freaking twinsies up in here! Which brings me to the next item:
His weights are those boring ones that stay the same weight no matter how many times you lift them. And my weights get lighter with each rep. Also, my weights tend to start out at about 12 ounces.
In 2006, Johnson founded “The Dwayne Johnson Rock Foundation”, a charity working with at-risk and terminally ill children. On October 2, 2007, he and his ex-wife donated $1 million to the University of Miami to support the renovation of its football facilities; it was noted as the largest donation ever given to the university’s athletics department by former students. The University of Miami renamed the Hurricanes’ locker room in Johnson’s honor. While I–oh, who am I kidding? He totally owned me on this one. The closest I’ve come to philanthropy was giving a hungry dude a hot dog that one time. (While it WAS a magical moment when it happened…taking in the big picture, I have to concede this one.)
Well, give or take a few months. But, really, on a universal time-scale…it’s just EERIE how close our birthdays are. (Cue Twilight Zone music.) Well, by that same scale, every human in existence popped into being at the exact same time. So, there’s that.
It’s true. There’s a popular image of Dwayne Johnson saving a cat. While that’s an awesome feat, I have been known to make a mad dash across the house to get a roll of toilet paper from the other bathroom just so someone wouldn’t have to do that horrible crab-walk of shame to the other restroom to finish up. Hey, you tell me, if someone brings you some toilet paper…they are your hero. ‘Nuff said.
Now, you can’t tell me you didn’t notice that milk mustache in the last picture. AMATEUR. This guy walks around with that tiny thing on. It’s embarrassing, really. And rescuing a kitty? Tell me…how is THAT supposed to save breakfast? It can’t. Unless you’re going to eat the cat for breakfast…but I digress. No, the world is looking for a super hero who can save breakfast AND rock a sweet milk ‘stache. I give you…
Go check out The Breakfast Project!
Disclaimer: In compliance with FTC guidelines, I was paid by Life of Dad, LLC to be an entrant in #SuperMilkMan contest. So…I’m getting paid to try to win a chance to meet ‘The Rock’.
I can handle that.