So, you read the title. Yeah, now you want the details.

Okay, let’s just get this out in the open. I’m no prude. But oddly enough, I’ve never role-played before. Well, not so odd really. Mostly it always came across like two people pretending they were in some low-grade 70’s porn without all the cool music.The whole thing just seems silly.

But, never let it be said, that I’m not willing to try new things for the sake of keeping my wife happy!

Cue the cheesy 70’s porn-jazz. (I can ONLY IMAGINE the amount of spam this post is going to generate…)

It started on one HOT Saturday morning. My wife turns to me and says, “Baby, lets try something new today. Why don’t you be the big strong carpet cleaner guy and I’ll be the helpless little housewife in desperate need of a good ‘cleaning’.”

Well, faster than you can say “HOLYSHITTHATSOUNDSAWESOME!” I was on my way to the grocery store.

Yeah, I said it. I went to the grocery store. Why? Well, that’s a silly question. If I’m going to be the Carpet Cleaner Guy, I have to show up with the right equipment, right? Otherwise, the whole thing is completely unbelievable. Hey, I’m a character actor alright? The props help to cement in his motivations, drives, personality…etc. I have to make this dude seem real or else.

So, I go and get the Rug Doctor and head home. Different scenarios are playing out in my mind. ALL of them lead to crazy 70’s Porn-sex! Surprised I didn’t get a speeding ticket!

I get home and ring the doorbell. She looks a little surprised, but hey, I’ve got a rug cleaning machine with me! I say, “So, what’s this I hear about some ‘dirty carpets’ that need a professional ‘cleaning’?” I winked for emphasis.

She says, “Yeah, in here by the sofa something got spilled and it’s just driving me nuts.”

Ooooh, she’s playing along nicely! “Alright ma’am, I’ll get right on that!”

I set the machine up and get to cleaning. I must say, the spot was a little more difficult to get out than originally anticipated. But with some pretreater and a little elbow grease I got it out. I looked over and saw that my wife was losing interest…so I had to up the ante a bit. In a daring move, that in retrospect was a disaster, I removed my shirt and continued working.

Okay, as a side note, everyone knows that in all of the best films that’s the clincher. He takes off his shirt and BAM you know that things are going to get going!

So I took my shirt off. I even commented on how hot it was. She turned the A/C down. Nice…

Carpets cleaned, I asked her how she was going to pay for my services. My wife just stared at me. So, I asked again.

“Oh no, I don’t have enough money for all of this hard work you’ve done. Is there…some other way to pay you back?” Insert coquettish finger bite here. Oh, yeah!

Undaunted, I said, “I’m sure we can find a way to offset this debt.” I winked.

No need to bore you with the rest of the details, but my wife is TOTALLY into this role-playing thing now!

Tomorrow, she wants me to be the sexy lawn guy! WooHOO!


My wife read my blog post and has requested that I make a few artistic changes tell the truth.

Evidently, what my wife said to me was, “Scotty, could you please clean the carpets today? That spot in front of the sofa is driving me nuts.” And in saying that she wasn’t implying anything sexy.

Also, she said that all she wants me to do tomorrow is mow the lawn. That’s it. And that she’d prefer I keep my shirt on this time.

Women…you just can’t figure them out, can you?? But hey, on the upside, the carpets do look awful nice!


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3 Responses

  1. Lance

    Yeah, this won;t work at my house. If I try to be sexy cable guy, my wife will demand that I hook up 3 movie channels and make the hi speed innerwebz work perfectly before anything else happens.


  2. the robot mommy

    You aren’t fooling those that know how long it takes to recover the “parts” after having a baby. I’m sure she’s feeling less than sexy. Nice try, though. 😉


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