I’ve written one post that was more on the serious side of Father’s Day. This one is not that post. Like I said in the other post, I always see other dads posting fun Father’s Day posts and been a little jealous of their ability to not take the holiday as a serious time to reflect on being a dad. I decided to do something about it!
So, when Sears said they were looking for some dads to run loose in the stores and take some pictures and just have fun looking for Father’s Day loot! The campaign is #DestinationDad and I have to admit, I had a lot of fun with this one. Mostly, because, as much as I like bucking stereotypical trends…I loves me some tools, grills, electronics, and <insert simian grunt here>!
We decided to go on dadcation at out local Sears! Here’s a travelogue of our escapade.
Day One of #DestinationDad:
We pulled into the parking lot at 2PM. We got a later start than I would have liked, but refusing to stop for bathroom breaks or food, we made the 10 mile drive in record time. The sun was high in the sky and you could feel the heat radiating off the blacktop and through your shoes. Leaving our sweet parking spot, we made the massive trek through the concrete jungle to get to our goal: air conditioning. It was a fifty yard slog that was fraught with peril as a lone grackle circled overhead leaving us filled with the anxiety one only feels when they are worried that they might become the next victim of a ‘bird poopening’.
Spirits were high as we opened the doors and entered the mighty structure towering before us. The air was positively rife with the scent of possibility and ,because we entered through the automotive side, tires. My dad-senses started tingling and I made a bee-line to the tool section. What was I going to do? They called to me like a siren. I had naught but to obey their calls…
We immediately gave praise to all things tool. And we also begged for the powers that be to possibly grace us with some toolage in the near future.
After paying our respects to the most gracious “Tool Bench of Awesomeness”, we decided that some light snacks were in order. And by light snacks we mean, GRILLED MEAT. So, our stalwart band of travelers sallied-forth to the “Land of Grills” with which we would cook up a veritable feast to fuel our travels.
Our dining was disrupted by the lack of propane canisters. Apparently, this mythical land adheres to something called “Ummm…sir, that’s against the law”. So, we stopped waving our tongs and forks around while chanting for BBQ, and decided that a break was due.
After several torturous seconds of hiking across the immaculate tile floor, we found the promised land. Yes, there was a glow about the place that immediately set our nerves on end. I looked to my traveling companions. The tension could be cut with a knife. “Abandon all hope, ye who enter this hallowed place. For herein resides magical items crafted of pure pixels and electricity with a dash of unicorn dust.”
My compatriots stared at me for several arduous seconds before rolling their eyes and getting themselves lost in the veritable ocean of electronic bliss. One particular incident found our party at a particularly treacherous crossroad. In order to get our pixel-fix, we all happened upon a Galaxy Tab3 Lite. I must, at this juncture, emphasize the word “A”. Singular. One. Solo. The tensions rose instantly. Within mere seconds, my band of merry men was reduced to little more than children arguing over the last scrap of fruit leather in a playground showdown. As the party leader, it was not my proudest moment.
But, what as I to do? Was I to let them declare mutiny and have at me?? I think not!
Finally, our cries of “MINE!” and the equally strong, “NO! MINE!!!” were met with one of the natives staring at us in disbelief. After a short explanation of our predicament, he smiled knowingly.
“Dude, I get that ALL the time.” , he said as he faded into the mist. And by mist, I mean, he walked around the endcap and out of our sight.
He poked his head back around the corner. “You guys coming? Or do you want to fight over something with WAY MORE PIXELS?” Then, I swear, magic dribbled from his smile as my party was instantly put at ease and we followed him to this land where men fight to the death with chains and rocket launchers for the honor of looking at PIXELS!
Several minutes later, I was informed that there would be no rocket launcher fights to the death because, again, this place apparently follows a very strict following of the “Ummm…sir, that’s against the law” code they have forged over this many decades. I managed to quash my disappointment as he introduced us to…a heaven made of pixels and love.
Peace was once again restored to my stalwart party of adventurers. We basked in the delightful LED glow as passersby looked down upon our party with a mix of jealousy and confusion. It’s okay, we get this ALL of the time.
After recharging our batteries, we went back to the trek. After what seemed like an endless barrage of seconds, we fell upon the land of all things electrical and fix-related. Ever get kicked out of a place for drooling over a router? No? Then, you are not allowed into my world…I’m kidding. Just make sure you wipe up your drool before they catch you.
My party was getting restless. We decided a game of charades was in order. HOLLYWOOD STYLE!
‘Staches?! WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ ‘STACHES!
While that one was okay, the next one brought waves of applause and adulation from the crowd that had begun to form around my party of “Charade Ninjas”.
GET INTO THE CHOPPAH!!!
After the applause died down and we stopped signing autographs, we were left with a need. A need for SPEED!
Gentlemen, start your engines! The inaugural running of the #DestinationDad 500 is underway! Oh wait…none of these have gas? Why??
Man…can I just say these people and their seemingly unbreakable code of “Ummm…sir, that’s against the law” is a formidable foe on this glorious day. Alas, it will have to be another day before we can truly get a taste of “Lawnmower Racing” at its finest. We dismounted from out majestic steeds, patted them down nicely, and kicked their tires (it’s okay, they like that).
Then…it happened. We stumbled across a sign promising the ability to purchase fresh mustaches. And, there we were, fully mustachioed and not in the market…I mean, seriously, I am rocking TWO MUSTACHES!!!
UPDATE: I have been informed that Sears was not, indeed, selling actual mustaches. Rather, they were advertising #DestinationDad and their selfie contest. Oooops!
So, after a long day of trekking, hiking, walking, climbing, looking, watching, etc…we were wiped out. Finally, we found a peaceful sanctuary that beckoned to us with an irresistible call that would not be ignored.
Lo, the angels of sleep lay their golden wings upon us, and my weary party was called to slumber. Perhaps one day we shall make it to the other side of this massive land of plenty. But, for now…this, THIS is #DestinationDad.
Now, you can win stuff! Just enter Sears “Snap the Stache” contest. Are you fresh out of upper lip hair, that’s okay. Get creative!